


Electric Gaze

by isurahikari



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/M, alcohol shiz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 15:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2512277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isurahikari/pseuds/isurahikari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy has gotten her heart broken too many times to count. But what happens when Jane convinces her to go to a convention, and she sees someone that...maybe could be the one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This was not the best of your ideas.

Roxy creeped through the hallway, anxiously pausing to check that both her mother and younger sister were blissfully unaware how the middle Lalonde was trying to drown her pain.

Her mom had written, and Roxy read, enough best-selling books for the fourteen year old girl to know one thing...

_Alcohol makes you forget._

And if there was one thing she wanted to forget, it would be the memory of seeing her latest crush kiss somebody.

A guy.

Not only did she have to beautiful, confident, smart, and nice to attract guys, but apparently, she had to have a dick too! I mean, she was ok with different sexualities (she herself was as straight as a noodle), but whoop-de-fucking do, let's just make it a smidge harder for dear old Roxy.

She smothered a burst of wry laughter before darting across the hall. The shiny glass bottles winked down at her from the top shelf, and she scurried to grab a chair, dragging it across the linoleum as quietly as she could.

It teetered as she balanced precariously on the humble ass-throne. Luckily, she managed to snag a bottle before she fell. On the bright side, the bottle was unharmed. Her thigh however, was not. A nasty bruise was already forming, but who would notice or care? So why bother even giving it a second thought.

She cradled the martini glass she stole from her mother, now safely in her room, and sniffed the liquor suspiciously. Schnapps? Vodka? She couldn't tell. It was her first time drinking, so how was she supposed to know anything?

Persuading herself to deal with yet another rejection like this had taken awhile. Partly because she had a phobia of throwing up and partly because...because...

Oh fuck it all, she couldn't remember. But that bitter liquid seared her throat and it did make her feel a little better.

A little.

But her heart was still broken, yet again, and there was nothing she could do.

Rufioh, the new pretty boy. Apparently, he was into pretty boys. Although Roxy wouldn't personally qualify Horuss as a pretty boy, but whatever. It stung all the same, realizing that once again, she was alone.

A translucent tear drifted in the edge of her vision, and raced down to meet the now empty glass. Here, in her small room with the bubblegum pink carpet, she was alone. Here she could be sad, and no one would hate her for it, as people often did.

So she did.

 _Why am I never good enough?!_ She bent over, practically hunched in two.  _I tried my hardest. I've always tried my hardest. But no!_ She shook her head violently.  _NO! Of courrrrrse not! God forbid that I could get what I wanted!_

The familiar wave of guilt crashed over here. Again, feeling incredibly shameful for being upset about something. All her problems were so meaningless in this huge canyon called 'life', where people died and starved and cried every day. She was just a speck, nothing more important. Yeah, she had boy problems. Every teeange girl did. She kind of doubted that she was the only one with the guilt trip afterward.

Only a month earlier had Tavros, Rufioh's best friend, cheated on her with some random spider bitch. And no one would listen. No one would care. Just another boy issue that everyone knew she would get over.

She never got over people. Not really.

No one wanted Roxy around if she wasn't happy. With a bitter, hacking laugh, she drained the bottle, ignoring her now throbbing head and swaying stomach.

She got her share of crappy couple fluff from fanfics and other people's facebook statuses.

* * *

"Janeyyy," Roxy whined, "I don't believe you!" She teasingly batted the foam of her (admittedly spiked) caramel latte at her powder-blue best friend.

"No, Roxy, I'm serious! He's gorrrgeous!"

"Uh-huh. Suuure Janey." Roxy teased. "You said that about all the guys you introduce me to! May I remnid, I mean,  _remind_ you that we have completeley,  _completely_ different tastes in guys?"

"Are you drunk already?" Jane tsked, "Rox, we're only sixteen! Ya shouldn't be drinkin' that stuff!"

Roxy waved away the obviously preposterous idea that drinking was bad. "As much as I love your idaes, ahem,  _ideas_ and as much as I love covnentions, fuck,  _conventions,_ I don't want to get my hopes up."

"But," Jane pouted. "But  _Rooooox!_  It's gonna be a gathering of writers and cosplayers," (she said it 'cosplayas'), "and I know you love that, and trust me, he's  _really_ cute."

"Yuppers. I trust ya." She glugged her schnappy-latte and rolled her eyes. Jane hugged indignantly and both girls cracked up. Standing (stumbling) elegantly (sorta) from her seat, Roxy extended her arm to her country bumpkin, crap,  _pumpkin_ buddy, flipping her favorite scarf over her shoulder.

"Shall we?"

"We shall."

* * *

Her room really hadn't changed in the two years since her drinking habit had begun. Same white walls, same black kitten, same bubblegum pink carpet (best mothafuking color EVAR) and the same romance novels hidden under her bed. No way was she gonna let her mother lord her emotional insecurities over her.

Besides, she hid her poetry in those books, and no way was  _that_ seeing the light of day. Sighing, she settled into her spinny computer chair to read a couple of fanfics before bed.

Screw chores, screw homework, just give her the damn fics. Within minutes, her feels were aching and she was cuddling her favorite fluffy (pink) pillow. How were these stories so damn good?!

Maybe it's because it made her feel loved? Or more alone. She was too drunk to contemplate it. Her thoughts were muddled when she was drunk, and that was always. Important discussions were reserved for hangovers.

Apparently, the convention Jane was talking about was on May twenty-sixth. She was free that day...and she did love cosplayers...and pocky, just like  _dayum._ Her resolve was swaying, and Roxy knew it. A part of her was even a little ok with it.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go.

But she was only going for the Pocky.

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Jane, I'm  _not_ cosplaying!" Roxy insisted, waving her cherry-lime martini around to prove her point. "I've been to tons of cons and cosplayed already!"

"But...but.." Jane pouted, "Roxy! Your hair is perfect for Rin," She reached up and patted the blonde coiffed bubble, "Ok, with a lil' bit less hairspray actually."

"I'm not cosplaying a vacolaidmsaggle whatever she is! Besides, my hair is perfect anyway." She tried her best to flip it, but with the hairspray, it wasn't going anywhere. It was a miracle she hadn't asphyxiated in the last four years on that bitter, apple scented gas.

"Vocaloid," Jane corrected. "Alright...At least then your real face will be what  _He_ first sees!" She clapped excitedly, and Roxy rolled her eyes.

"Guess you better get me a cosplay with a mask then!" She said jokingly, "Cuz I don't think he could handle  _awaaawwwllllll_ of this!" She waved her hands in front of her face, making Jane burst into a giggling fit.

"I think  _He_ could," Jane replied teasingly. They'd both gotten in the habit of calling 'Roxy's soulmate! :B" (haha, very funny Jane)  _Him._ Or  _He._ He was so important that  _He_ was capitalized AND italicized. That shit was reserved for special occasions.

But Roxy wasn't getting her hopes up. Nuh-uh, no way!  _Helllllllllllllllllllllllll_ naw! No diggity dice! She wasn't going to get her romantic imagination rolling!

...Again.

She'd gotten her dreams crushed too many times by internet guys, youtubers, age differences, and sexuality. Not to mention stupidity. Hers and theirs. In short, Roxy didn't have much faith in the male species anymore, at least the ones that lived around her. People called her selfish and a slut, said that she wanted what she couldn't have. Excuse her for having  _standards._ Or liking a juicy makeout once in a while.

Her conflicted emotions that she got as a teenage girl made relationships hard enough, but add the rush of endorphins from the (dear, sweet) alcohol, and maybe, just a pinch of hormones, and voilà, you had yourself a hot mess, le Roxy.

The idea that science controlled how she though and spoke, the idea that a  _drink_ could make her change her mind! She hated that. Screw the scientific qualities of water and aspirin when you had a headache; she liked to believe that they were magical, or maybe her sheer willpower made it go away.

But she took the aspirin anyways.

She wanted to believe that she made her own opinions and thoughts and choices because she wanted to, not because she needed sleep or calories and once in a while, a chocolate bar. Ever suggest to Roxy that her sudden changes in opinion were caused by a mood swing, and you'd suddenly find yourself unable to suggest anything at all.

But very few people thought like that, like her. Even Jane didn't wonder about the beauty of the stars and cosmos, but of the knowledge that could get you there. Roxy thought space would look a little like a sunset, with more purple and less red. And a hell of a lot more sparkles. A little part of her didn't even want to know what if  _really_ looked like, cold and unfeeling, because she knew she was wrong. Who wanted their dreams to be disintegrated, as hers often were?

Yet another reason she drank.

To hope.

Although, the main part of this statement that evolved into three something paragraphs is: Roxy was having an incredibly hard time finding a reason to believe that  _He_ would be the right person for her.

"Roxy?" Jane asked curiously, waving her hand in front of the blonde. "Were you spacin' out again? I'm tellin' you, drinking is going to mess up your thinking capacity."

"Oops." She shrugged. "What were you saying?"

Jane huffed indignantly, trying to pretend that she was mad. "Well, nevermind!" She never did have a good pokerface, and her famous bucktoothed grin broke through almost immediately. "You were havin' one of your big internal conversations, huh?" Jane said quietly, switching moods suddenly. Roxy  _was_ rather fond of her big internal conversations. So many of her thoughts (especially the drunken ones) were so poetic, even beautiful, but they never saw the light of being spoken. She knew someday she would write them down, but that day wouldn't be anytime soon.

And she'd forget them all by that time.

"Rox, you are doing it again!" Jane complained, wriggling around on her pink bed. "If you're going to space out, at least join me on this fluffy bed. Goodness, this thing is comfortable!"

They both giggled, and a quick look at Roxy's laptop sent them scrambling for youtube. Who needed men when you had Pewdiepie? Swoozie? CapnDezDez? SMOSH?! Cryoatic? Our2ndLife?!

Please don't forget Connor Franta. ;)

Roxy hugged Jane happily, tossing her a pair of magenta headphones. They would devour the internet for hours, and you know what? they were ok with that.

Who needed men when you had a friend like Jane?

* * *

Roxy. Roxy did.

* * *

_I don't know where I fit in. I suppose I could fit in with a lot of people, if I really tried. But I don't know who I want to be with. Populars? Perfect people, obsessed with religion and sports? Normal people, quiet, loners? The bad ones, the ones who brought lighters to class and lit pen caps on fire and got high off sharpies?_

_Or the slightly odd ones? The ones I was with now? God, I love them, but hell they can be annoying!_

_Regardless of whatever I think, there's not really much I can do about it. Even if I try, the closest I get to them is just a minor friendship. And the bad ones scare me. Snapping a lighter near my face? No thank you. I have too much alcohol in me to be around an open flame._

_I do this a lot. I suppose it's just a side effect of being drunk 24/7, having big mental discussions with myself. It's just something I do. I don't share my feelings or thoughts, except for maybe the rare occasion when I let something slip to Jane._

_But not often._

_The convention is in 6 days. Janey's even figured out the seconds, which makes me laugh. I won't let her tell me anything about the boy who is, in her mind, my soulmate, but I can't deny that I'm excited to meet him. And, y'know, hopefully not scare him off._

_Like I always do._

"Lalonde!" the teacher booms, and I swivel my head upwards to see my cranky teacher. He really needs to take that stick out of his ass before he even comes into a 10 foot radius of me. Bitches get stitches Bro. Don't tempt me.

"Yessssssssssssssssssssss?" I say, drawing out the syllables to  _really_ make him blow a gasket. I'm sure he knows I'm always a little buzzed, so he always 'checks up on me'. Not cool, dude.

" _What_ are you doing?"

"Uhm...thniking? Crap,  _thinking?"_

He leans in closet o my face. "Miss Lalonde, are you  _intoxicated_?!" He hisses.

"Uh, no?"  _Duhhh,_ I think secretly.

He sniffs my breath suspiciously. "Fine. As of now you  _don't_ have detention. Consider yourself lucky. And  _write your essay!"_

I sigh, and gaze out the window again.

I'd rather think.

* * *

_4 days. 96 hours. 5,7_

* * *

_60 minutes. 345,600 seconds. I've gotten into the habit of doing the math repetitively, compulsively, chanting the numbers like Janey does. We talk about cosplay almost all the time, if we're not talking about fanfiction or pocky._

_There's not really much else to do in this town. It's tiny and boring. The biggest events we have here are football games._

_Damn rednecks._

_My mom isn't much better. Her weirdness has isolated me more than my own. She's into politics and is constantly handing out flyers and shit like that. I can't tell you how many meetings she's dragged me to, before I put up a fight and stopped going. I think she feels like she's losing me, so she bribes me a lot. Movies, mostly._

_I've seen a lot of movies._

_I wish it was the convention. I want something to do! Everyone in the damn town is boring as hell! Everything half way fun requires money, money that my mom won't pay. I get fired from every job I get for being drunk. In general, life sucks._

_It's been a solid month since I've kissed anybody._

* * *

_3 days. 72 hours. 4,320 minutes. 259,200 seconds._

_I only have one more box of pocky left from my birthday. Blueberry flavor._

_Hopefully, I'll restock my heartbreak band-aids (aka, said chocolate covered biscuit sticks) at the con._

* * *

_2 days. 48 hours. 2,880 minutes. 172,800 seconds._

_I have my cosplay all laid out for Saturday. A female version of Tamaki Suoh. My hair is perfect for Rin Kagamine, bitch please. I am the Host Queen, and I am fabulous._

_God I love OHSHC._

_Who doesn't? Manga art at the beginning's a bit odd, but still, Tama-chan is hella attractive._

_Also voiced by Vic Mignogna. Hello! ;)_

* * *

_1 day. 24 hours. 1,440 minutes. 86,400 seconds._

_Tomorrow. TOMORROW! If I were a robot, my circuits would be jammed beyond belief!_

_86,399._

_86,398._

_86,397._

_Time needs to pass faster. I'm not exactly the most patient of people._

_Jane won't read my poems anymore. I guess I should just give up on trying. No one wants to read them, except maybe the twenty-one people online. When I look at the numbers of the other stories, especially of Nepeta's or Meulin's, I get upset._

_But no one wants me around if I'm not happy, so I suck it up._

_Briefly rolling over on my bed, I snuggle my kitten. I'll always love my cats more than anything else. Little bundles of furry fluff and joy, that push their heads underneath my chin and soak up my tears._

_Mutated ones line my wall. Sometimes I think I should take them down, but I can't. They're a part of me, something that runs too deeps to be changed. I'd miss them._

_Purr, purr._

_I can't believe it's tomorrow. In only one more day. I'll be back where I belong, with cosplay and plushies, voice actors and tabletop games, chess and panels, hotels and vending machines! Crazy-ass games of Truth or Dare and steamy Spin the Bottle._

_Pictures. Faygo. Frozen yogurt. Potato bacon pizza from down the street._

_Air that I can breathe as my true self._

_And it's tomorrow._


	3. Chapter 3

Roxy stood in front of the revolving door, breathing deeply. Her wig fell in soft cascading waves, and her light pink eyes were closed. She was  _finally_ where she belonged. A place where she could ramble on about the things she loved and people would  _understand,_ instead of looking at her like she was crazy.

"Rox? Are we gonna go in?" Jane asked, adjusting her own pink wig. Of course Jane would be Princess Bubblegum.

"Yeah!" Roxy said, charging through the door. The badges. The schedules. The cosplays. The  _pocky!_ She'd forgotten how much she loved it here.

"Where are we gonna go first?" Roxy pestered Jane, "C'mon, where? Wheeerrreee?"

"Roxy!" Jane hissed, wrapping her hand around Roxy's arm.

"Whhhaaat?"

" _Look._ Right there."

"I don't see what the big deal i- _Whoa."_

A group of kids walked through the other door, commanding the two teenage girls' attention. A twin boy and girl were chattering excitedly, pushing up their huge geeky glasses. Another two kids, about the same age, both blond, were obviously making fun of them, much to the delight of the older teenage boy there.

Who Janey was looking at like he was a freshly baked plate of cookies.

"Who is that?" Roxy said, mouth curling up in a devilish grin. "Janey, is there something you're not tellin' me?"

"Shush!" Jane snapped, beginning to blush.

"Heyyy!" Roxy called, waving at him cheerfully. Jane turned strawberry frosting red as he flashed them a bucktoothed grin and flipped his glasses. She ducked behind a hallway, pulling Roxy with her, who was of course, giggling like a maniac.

"Roxy! Have you never heard of subtlety?!" She exclaimed.

"There's a dif between subtlety and invisibility," snickered Roxy. "C'mon Janey, live a lil'! And who was that anyway? Whoo!"

"His name is Jake English," Jane said dreamily, "His cousin Rose, that's the blond girl over there, she's in my knitting group. And he picks her up everytime."

"Have you  _talked_ to him? Ever?"

"...No."

" _Janey!"_

Jane crossed her arms, furiously blushing. "It doesn't matter, really! Let's go check out the booths."

Sighing, Roxy trailed behind her best friend, "If you say so..."

* * *

This was the second time Jane had frozen, and it was only three o'clock.

"What now?" Roxy said exhaustedly. "Janey, why don't you just  _talk_ to that English dude?"

"Roxy! It's  _Him."_

Him. Him.  _Him?!_

"Where?!" Roxy gasped, feeling her heart pound. She was finally gonna get to see  _Him._ She would finally know if her dreams were to come true. Jane motioned her head behind Roxy, and as she slowly turned around, her heartbeat only increased.

Her pale pink eyes met ones sheathed behind amber sunglass frames, and everything stopped. Her heart, her breath, her blood. It was like the world had turned to ice for only a second, just for her and  _Him._

The corner of his mouth twitched and Roxy could feel herself blushing in her shoulder blades. Was that a smile?  _Was he looking at her?!_

As she ducked back behind a wall, exactly as Jane had done earlier, the smug baking-master began to giggle. Oh, how their positions had changed.

"I told you! He's perfect!" Jane said teasingly.

"Janey, what was that?! Was I electrocuted or some shit?! I didn't drink before I came here, I promise!" Roxy said, eyes wide.

"I think that's called love at first sight."

Roxy shushed her and carefully peered from behind the wall at the guy. At Him.

"Damn," she breathed. His platinum blonde hair, just like hers, flopped in his sunglasses, and she wondered why he wore them indoors. Wasn't it pretentious to wear them inside? Gasp, did he have an eyesight prob? DID HE HAVE DA EYEESIGHT PROBZZZ?!

And  _dannnng_ did he look good in that tank top. An orange hat, huh? Classy? She wasn't sure. But it was almost impossible to tell what his eyes were like.

Maybe from close up...?

NO WAY.

"Rox!" Jane playfully shoved her, "Come on! Talk to him!"

"Speak for yourself Janeycakes. I  _could_ talk to him. Doesn't mean I hafta do it  _right now_ , now do I?"

Their conversation was interrupted by two glomping hugs from vanilla scented teenage girls, as Meulin and Nepeta Leijon tacklepounced their way into the group. Of all the times to come across their matchmaker friends. Not surprising, really. The four of them did agree to meet up.

"Hello!" Nepeta said cheerfully. Er, cheerfurry?

"I hear you're having shipping issues!" Sang Meulin, too loud, as usual.

"Um, to be fiar Meulz, you didn't  _hear_ nuthin'." Roxy pointed out. "It's your liek, sixth shipping sense or sumthin'. You  _sensed_ it Bro! Sis. Bro? Sis."

"Doesn't matter!" The girl said happily. "Shipping? You two? Ooh, him ovfur there? Nice!"

"Shshshshshshhhh!" Roxy insisted, shoving her palm across Meulin's mouth. And Jane thought  _she_ was too obvious. How Meulin and her freaky goth bf got together, she'd never know.

"Where's Kurloz anyway?" She asked curiously. Meulin gasped.

"Oh no! I left him at the video games! He's purrobably beaten the Dance Dance Refurlution high scores  _again._ Be right back!" She zipped off, leaving Nepeta to figure out a plan of action for the two shy teenage girls. Jane hadn't taken her eyes off Him for a second, probably keeping a watch of him for Roxy.

"Oh my," Jane said, eyes widening.

"What?" Roxy asked.

" _Oh my._ "

"Whhhhhhhhat?"

Jane waved Roxy over vaguely, and they both peered from behind the wall. The sexy British dude sauntered from the other side of the hotel, the same four kids trailing behind him.

Straight towards  _Him._

Oh my.

The lil' blonde dude tackled into Him like they were best bros, and it occurred to Roxy that they might be. Same hair, same weird-but-oddly-attractive sunglasses, these two HAD to be related. The blond girl only waved mutely, and returned to her event guide.

These blond kids...looked like his siblings. And Mr. English and Him looked like friends. These two really attractive guys were bros? Wat?

How ironic.

The four kids scampered off, only further cementing Roxy's theory. Sexy british dude and Him were bros, and their respective siblings were bros, and they were on big bro-family. Brofimly?

And then there was Jane and her. Watching. Hiding behind a pillar, one step away from where she wanted to be.

Like she always was.

No.  _No._ Roxy shook her head violently, making Jane and Nepeta look at her in alarm. Her pink eyes flared with fire and she almost looked a little scary.

"I dunno bout you," slurred Roxy, "But this iz a CON damit! We're here to haf  _fun_ , not stand around watchin' these choice ass muthafuckas."

Damn skippy.

Jane's gaze darted fervently towards Mr. Sexy Brit, but a raised eyebrow from one Ro-Lal sent her back from the pit of jello that was Cute Guy Hell.

The three girls linked arms and flounced off, not even stooping so low as to look behind them. Who needed boys when there was games of Spin the Bottle to start?

Not Roxy.


	4. Chapter 4

_I've always wanted to believe in true love. Operative word being 'wanted'. Not much else you can believe in when you're thirteen and watch Disney movies alone all day, y'know? I know all the songs by heart, and have practically memorized the best one liners from every rom-com ever. Again, not much else to do. My romantic education has only grown over the years, and at sixteen, I like to think I know what I'm talking about._

_Anime, manga, tumblr, comics, they're all ways for me to see how I want to world to be. Love is everywhere. It just happens to stay a ten mile radius away from me. Cool. Whatevs. Not like I care, right?_

_Ok, I lied. I care. Why else would I down mountain-dew schapps and then read fanfics for three hours? Alcohol hides within itself the mystic powers to build (or tear down) walls around your subconscious, hiding the real reason why you do things. You just have to sacrifice your understandability. That's ok. I don't understand myself either. Join the club bro, we have buttons._

_Computers were my friends before people were. Whoops, was that random? Sorry dude. After all, you are reading my_ thoughts,  _so some things are gonna be a bit abrupt. Just go with it. What was I saying?_

_Computers. Yeah. Imagine a world where you just sit inside all day, with a soda (or martini) at your right, and some chili cheese fritos at your left, a laptop burning your thighs cuz you're too lazy to move it so you don't have SEARING PAIN on your legs._

_Imagining? Good? That's my life. Online school. One friend. Pirated anime coming out my ears. Can you understand why I care about kittens and computers more than people? Not that hard when you only have pesterchum as your companion. My mom was- is never home, and I'd met Janey maybe a handful of times._

_Then my first convention happened._ Life  _happened. I wasn't alone anymore. And as I walk away from the boy who just broke down every foggy drunken barrier around my heart without even a word, I wonder if he likes computers as much as I do._

* * *

"Spin the bottle?" Nepeta said curiously, "Nefur played!"

"Do you think we'll be allowed to?" Jane asked, biting her lip.  _Goody two-shoes,_ Roxy thought scathingly. She shrugged indifferently, pulling out the three bucks for a rootbeer faygo. Damn, this tasted weird without being saturated with vodka.

"Rox, how on Earth are we going to play anyways?" Jane said, "It's just the three of us now."

"It'zsimple," slurred the blonde, draining the last drops of sweet liquid from the bottle, "We find other players." She strode over to a small group of teenagers around their age, and grinned pleasantly, waving the bottle in the air as a greeting.

"Wanna play with us?" She asked cheerfully, making eye contact with a grouchy looking dude to her left. The girls in the cluster gave their assent wholeheartedly, and the boys begrudgingly followed the sleek platinum blonde 'do that was Roxy Lalonde.

A quick duck under some stairs revealed a large, open concrete area that the group happily formed a circle in. Roxy placed the bottle in the middle, leaning back on her heels.

"Introductionz first, rite? I'm Roxy, and ovurr there is Jane and Nepeta. Who are you all?"

" _I'm_ Vriska," a confident blonde said, twirling with a blue streak. The girl next to her introduced herself as Terezi, who in turn prodded Grumpy.

"I'm Karkat," he snapped, the harsh cadence of his voice echoing in Roxy's hangover.  _Uggggh._

Aradia, Sollux, and Gamzee were also introduced, and soon enough the game proceeded. A couple of kisses, a couple of clumsy scooches, and several jokes. It was nice, easy, and definitely fun.

And slightly boring. Juuuuust a little bit. What was the point of playing kissing games if you didn't have any romantic interest in  _any_ of them?

A couple more people joined, trickling by the game like water. Roxy leaned against Jane lazily, watching as Vriska and Terezi shared a smooch.

"Hey Grumpy," she said offhandedly to Karkat, "Ya got any more friends? Text 'em, see if they want to play."

He huffed, but did so, snapping his phone's keyboard angrily. He blushed as Terezi absent mindedly held his hand, much to Roxy's smug fascination. Good for him.

* * *

A while, and several containers of strawberry pocky later, another clump of kids appeared. Whaddya know, Shouty  _did_ have friends. A smiling girl with jade green lipstick sat next to Vriska shyly, and four other kids joined the circle as well. A nerdy looking boy with glasses was holding a blond gothy girl's hand, and he introduced himself as John.

These kids were vaguely familiar, but Roxy had to stare at the blonde in sunglasses before she remembered. Dammit universe, stop teasing! She'd made her choice. If he was truly the perfect one for her, The One, in all the title's entirety, he would be here, now wouldn't he?

The time passed quickly, but also slowly. Roxy was lethargic and lazy, sprawled out on Jane's lap, only moving when it was their turn. It was hard to tell what time it was, only dimly hearing white noise from events up above their hide out under the stairs. The cement stayed the same, and the jokes reigned on. Her thoughts oozed like maple syrup, and she wasn't sure exactly what she cared about.

She closed her eyes.

Until a sharp intake of breath from her claimed lap made her open one eye. It was just two teenage boys, what was the big deal?

Oh. That was Him. Him and his cute british friend. Huh.

Wait.

She snapped up immediately, eyes wide and reflection in the glint of His sunglasses. Why did it have to feel like she was being electrocuted every time she looked at him?! Her face was probably pinker than her bedroom walls. Wow Rox, not obvious at all!

_Calm. Caaaaalm._

_HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BE CALM?_

_I don't know!_

_WOW, REAL HELPFUL_

_Figure something out!_

"...wanna play?" She said awkwardly, mentally kicking herself. Maybe three minutes, tops, of knowing his existence, and she was already acting like an idiot. No, fuck him. She was  _not_ going down that road again. Fuck him and his stupid but oddly sexy sunglasses and his biceps that bulged and his dumb gorgeous blond hair and-

Oh, look, he's siting down.


	5. Chapter 5

_Age Seven_

"Bro! Do you wanna see a movie?" I said excitedly, waving the poster I'd snagged from the mall, "It's the new X-men!"

"Aw, sorry lil' man, I've got a damn meeting to go to." Bro said, apologetically ruffling my hair. "Another time?"

_Another time._

"Oh, yeah, sure! I understand!" I said, tucking the poster behind me. As Bro walked away, I shuffled to my room, turning all but my robot lamp off. The dim glow didn't light much, just made me feel less alone. He  _always_ had meetings.

"Bastard movie directors," I muttered, sliding under the covers on my bed. Who cares if racecars weren't ironic? They were fucking cool.

_Another time._

This  _was_ another time! Another time from the last time I asked, or the time before that! I groaned, tugging the covers over my platinum blonde head.

I'd go see it myself.

* * *

_Age Eight_

I chugged another Mountain Dew furiously, eyes locked on my computer screen. I had to beat this level. Just one more boss! I couldn't fall asleep yet!

Bro wasn't home from work yet.

I  _had_ to stay up. A quick glance at the clock sent me worriedly reading his note, for what, the hundredth time? He said he'd be  _home_ at  _midnight!_  It was one-thirteen in the goddamned morning and he wasn't home yet.

I couldn't be mad for long. Bro was a film director! He got busy. I understood that.

Or, at least, I told myself I did.

He'd get home safe. And I was going to stay up until he did. Just one more level, and then he'd get home. He would get home.

One more.

One more.

_One more._

* * *

_Age Eleven_

So help me, if I couldn't get Bro to drive me to the movie, I was driving  _myself_ there. Well, if driving myself meant engineering a brobot to rocket power me over there, cuz that's what I was doing. Like hell was I missing a group movie  _again._

I cast a glance at the towering pile of brobots behind me, almost reaching the ceiling. Let's just say I've been at this for a while. Not much else to do, except pirate anime and my little pony. At least brobots would play video games with me.

Although, I probably built them 'cause Bro was impressed when one of the lil' fuckers actually worked. And I planned to impress him.

Behind pointy shades, I winked at a pair of identical sunglasses on my desk.

* * *

_Age Thirteen_

TT: Testing.

 **TT:**  It seems that you are running diagnostics. No need bro, I'm all good.

TT: It worked?

 **TT:**  Hell yeah, it worked. I'm fanfuckin'tastic.

TT: Cool.

 **TT:**  Dude, are you crying?

TT: No! Why, in the name of all that is good and holy, would I be crying?

 **TT:**  It seems that you are denying how badly you want to show Bro this. By this, I mean me. Obviously.

TT: Shut the fuck up.

 **TT:**  It seems I am right.

TT: I've got to delete that phrase, holy shit.

* * *

_Age Sixteen_

_Why did I let Jake drag me here?_ I wonder aimlessly.  _This is a total geek week. So not cool. I am above this._

(Apparently, he isn't too cool to buy every Rainbow Dash thing he sees.)

I anxiously scan the lobby for the British motherfucker that is my best friend, and the four kids. Two, his siblings, and two...apparently mine? Don't ask me to explain. I thought they were cousins, but apparently whoever the fuck my parents were had more fun than I realized. When my aunt died, they landed with me. Dave and I have always been bros, but Rose is a total ice queen. I can't get through to her.

"Dirk!" I hear my name, as usual, called in the jolliest "cheerio!" accent there ever was. Jake English. My best bro.

"Hey man," I say, nodding in greeting, "Where did the kids go?"

"Jesus, anyone listening must think that we're married!" He jokes, punching me in the shoulder. I don't flinch. "Ah, don't worry! They're all running around exploring and all that! I kinda want to join them, if I'm being honest."

"Yeah," I say dully, like I always do.

_Must think we're married!_

Small thing I may have neglected to mention.

I'm in love with him.

Jake English, my best bro. God, I'm so stupid! I hide it pretty well, so that's not really an issue, but it gets annoying as hell listening to him babble on about girls, like the apparent beauty he found. Blah, blah, blah.

"-had the prettiest friend. Blonde, just like you! Jeez, I wish you could have seen them! Perfect, they were."

 _You're perfect._ I want to whisper.

He turns around, smiling like a dork. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"No." I blurt, no explanation, like always. "Why don't you go find the kids, I know you want to 'explore' or whatever anyway..."

His face lights up like a fucking Christmas tree and his megawatt grin gives me butterflies, like always. "Really?! Thanks Dirk!" He claps me on the shoulder again, then darts off, leaving me alone to sit in a crappy armchair.

I've always been in love with Jake. We met in an online chatroom one day and just...no matter how ironically I put it, it always sounds stupid.

He was just perfect. So perfect. It's so unfair for someone to be that perfect. Even his flaws just make me love him more! Those emerald eyes, his geeky personality, those luscious lips...

I can never tell him how I feel. He would say no, I'm sure of it. But a demented part of me  _keeps_  hoping.

I hear a burst of laughter and turn to meet eyes with a blonde in the corner. I recognize her cosplay instantly, and chalk up the fluttering in my stomach to costume admiration. She really is very pretty, with blonde hair and what looks like pink eyes, and oh fuck, she is still looking at me.

When she looks away, I awkwardly look down, unsure of what has just happened. Am I sick? I feel overheated, but Strider's  _never_ get sick. I cough experimentally, tapping my chest. Nope, all good.

I sneak a glance over again, and see her furiously whispering to a soft looking girl, dressed up like Princess Bubblegum. A shock of black hair is visible underneath her pink wig. I hear my name being called, and I turn, only half paying attention.

_Who is she?_

"Dirk! I found them!" Jake says cheerfully, as Dave unironically tackles me. Dammit, I've missed him. I can't see the girls anymore, and I briefly wonder if it was just my imagination. Maybe I am getting sick?

"Dude, you look like you've seen a ghost," snickers Dave, standing close to Jade. Smooth motherfucker.

"I don't know, maybe I did," I retort, trying to keep a blush down. No. No blushing like a fucking kawaii anime schoolgirl.  _Fuck. No._ I did enough of that around Jake.

"Hey, wanna go check the booths out? I think that's where Karkat is!" John squeals, but I barely hear him because I'm following the back of a fem Tamaki Suoh with my eyes, watching as she links arms with two other girls. The don't turn around, and the weird sick feeling I acquired disappears with them.

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

The kids disappear a bit later, chatting wildly about a spin the bottle game. Fuckin' youngsters. I'm left alone with Jake, and my heart privately races. My best bro.

The man I'm in love with.

Every time I try to talk, I choke on my own leaden tongue, so I just stand there like an idiot, watching him. Perfect, lovely, wonderful him.

For once, I can't think of anything to say. I have to keep my cover, or else he'll find out, and I could never let that happen.

"Jake-"

"John says we should go to the game!" He says suddenly, staring at his phone. His attention is completely focused on the gadget, and I can faintly see his background, a picture of us with our matching shitty tattoos.

"Game?" I ask, mentally answering my question before he does.

"Spin the bottle of course!" He says excitedly, thumbs tapping wildly. "You want to go, right"

"Uhhh..."  _You want to, so..._ "Yeah. Sure. Whatever."

He zips off, and I have to pointedly direct my gaze upwards so I don't visibly check out his choice ass. I shuffle behind him with my cool-guy saunter, shoving my hands in my pockets, and giving a random girl a nod, watching as she dissolves into giggles. We duck under the stairs, and I stop when I see a pink eye flick open, and then a teenage girl snap up. This is the girl I saw earlier, the girl with the pretty friend who Jake is now excitedly talking to. This is _The Girl._

Well, not THE The Girl, but like...The Girl. The pretty one, with a shitty pokerface.

I smirk a little, and sit to join the game.

Let's see where  _this_ goes...

 


	6. Chapter 6

There's this thing called a pokerface.

Roxy doesn't have one.

_He's plnaying, fuck, plaing, DAMMIT, PLINAG-_ _Oh, nevermind._

She eyed the bottle Vriska spun, wishing desperately for it to land on him so he could spin it. And just maybe, that bottle would land on her? Maybe? Not like she cared, obviously. Just a possibility. Just a eensy-weensy possibility. Would it?

John. Dammit.

They kissed quickly, and Roxy continued her stare down. Would fate be cruel today? Would her lips meet his, or would she forever pine for what never happened? Decisions, choices, outcomes! She didn't even know his name yet. So why did she want to kiss him so badly?!

"Jane," she hissed, "Janey!"

The young heiress was having none of it.  _Really?! It would take all of three seconds to answer!_ Roxy bounced in her lap impatiently, wriggling like a five-year old. "Jaaaaane!"

"Whhhhhat?!"

Excellent. She cracked. "Do Brit and Co. have names? Do they?"

"Well, of course they do! Jake English and Dirk Strider, respectively. Gee Roxy, I thought I told you that!"

"...How do you know their names?"

Jane turned pink. "I-I told you! Jake's cousin Rose is in my knitting circle and we talk sometimes and they come to pick her up, s-so there!"

"Uh-huh. Likely story." Roxy winked.

"For the record," Jake piped in, "Rose isn't actually my cousin. She's Dirk's younger sister, and me and Strider are the best of bros!"

" _Strider and I,"_ Jane muttered under her breath.

Dirk said nothing, just focused on the rapidly spinning bottle. Maybe his thing was to be quiet? No, but that didn't fit. He seemed like the type of guy who'd blab incessantly if he knew you well, at least to Roxy. Or was she just bad at judging character?

Spin, spin, spin. John and Rose. Rose and Kanaya. Kanaya and Karkat. Karkat and John. John ( _I'm not a homosexual!)_  and Dave. Dave and Gamzee. Gamzee and Terezi, much to Terezi's chagrin. Terezi and Vriska. Vriska and Jake. Jake and Jane.

_Aaah, so sleepy._

"Rox!" squeaked Jane, "It appears to be your turn."

She shot up immediately. "My turn?" She slurred. "Whhhat? Who spun? Who's the lucky human?"

Her heart stopped when Dirk flicked his hand up.

_Ohhhhhmygod._

_Ok. Ok. Just do it. Swallow your blush, hide your elation. Just press your lips to his. No big deal, right? Ha, ha._ She inched closer, muttering "fuck it all", before just going for his lips.

Surprised by her sudden movement, Dirk's hands were frozen firmly on her waist, gently cradling her, while her arms were wrapped around his neck. His lips were soft, and the smell of coffee, machine oil, and gasoline floated around her, while her vanilla and orchid lingered around him. He involuntarily relaxed, but Roxy pulled back, embarrassed and trying to hide it.

Jake wolf-whistled and she shrugged, raising her eyebrows at Dirk. "My turn now, yeah?"

"Damn Roxy!" Vriska hooted, "Who knew you had it in you?"

A half smirk danced on her smug face. "As of now? He does."

* * *

This girl may be insane. Did she just...?! Did he just...?! While Jake was right there?! Did he really just  _kiss_ her like  _that,_ while the man he loved  _watched?!_

That...sounded better in his head. In any case, he seemed to be the only one affected. Jake wore his normal grin, probably amused at what Dirk was sure was a flabbergasted expression he sported. Was he not surprised at all? Did some random God just decide to make this day crazy, and then only make him realize it?!

He shouldn't still feel her lips on his. Oh my god, he could still smell her perfume. WHAT EVEN! The chick was...was...

Someone he needed to become friends with, that's for sure.

She spun the bottle with ease, giggling madly when it landed on her other friend, clad in olive-green. Was kissing just no big deal to her?

Not like it was a big deal to him either. I mean, hell, he wouldn't have played spin the bottle if it was! But  _still!_ Jesus titties, how many times had  _she_  played?!

Ahem.

He should probably just forget about it. Not a big deal. Not a big deal at all. A cool guy like him shouldn't be freaking out over that shit.

Now if his next spin could land on Jake...

* * *

_"You wanna what now?"_

_"Uh, well, I was thinking maybe we could kiss? I guess?"_

_He sighed and patted her on the back. "I'm sorry doll. Not today. You're cute and all, but, uh..."_

_"No, no, I get it!" She laughed, cheeks bright pink. "Sorry, eheh! It's just the sunset's fuckin' pretty and I guess I was just thinking out loud, soooooo..."_

_"Yeah, no worries! I get it!" Rufioh nodded._

_The fence they were sitting on_ did  _gleam in the light, and it_ was  _a pretty romantic setting. Too bad he didn't want to kiss her. She awkwardly looked down from her next-door neighbor's gaze, and stared at her skinny knees. From inside his house, a phone rang and he hopped off the fence, ruffling his scarlet mohawk._

_"Sorry doll, it's Horuss! Gotta take this! Shit, how bout you bring out some of your Mom's vodka while I do that, and we'll have a bangarang time when I get back!"_

_"I dunno...that stuff looks bitter. I like my brain cells, thank you."_

_He snapped his fingers in fake disappointment. "Oh, alright! You're so damn innocent, you little smarty-pants. One sec!" He dashed off inside his house, leaving her alone in the fading sunset with her thoughts. Thoughts that plagued her small mind and made her want to scream aloud._

_"Not today"?! Does that mean maybe tomorrow? Next week? Do I have a chance, or don't I?! You call me doll, but then you run off to hang out with Damara or Horuss, and leave me alone! I don't know what I am to you! She slammed her fist into the fence, swallowing a shriek when she almost fell off. This was just too frustrating for a thirteen year old._

_I want my first kiss already!_

 


	7. Chapter 7

_The roof really is beautiful at night..._ Roxy thought dreamily to herself.  _It's a good thing Terezi suggested this._

Tiny lights strung all around the tent that covered most of the roof were lit, and softly shone, giving just enough light to see the faces of her new friends. Yes, coming up to the roof to hang out, with its tent and assorted couches was a good thing. So many kisses and pesterchums had been exchanged that everybody felt like old friends, not like geeky anime lovers who had met each other earlier that day.

They were fated to be friends. Maybe they wouldn't remember how this felt later, but Roxy would. She's remember drinking bubbly japanese soda and faygo, playing the pocky game with anyone and everyone, and dancing like dorks to Discord.

It's something special that happens. A moment in time, a special one, where things  _happen,_  and it's never boring, just silly and stupid. It doesn't last, but if you're lucky, like she was, you can remember it, and will mentally draw back upon it when you need to remember what happy feels like.

The roof would be Roxy's very special memory.

"Rox?" Jake joked, waving a hand in front of her face, "Are you in there?"

"Oh, are you spacin' out again?!" Jane exclaimed.

"Maybe!" she retorted, "Blah, blah, blar Janey, I'll space out if I want! C'mere!  _C'mere!_ Mwah!"

The boys laughed as Roxy chased Jane around, trying to kiss her. Finally giving up, they both plunked down on one of the couches, breathless.

"Aradiaaa! Janey won't kiss me!" Roxy pouted, sticking her tongue out at her best friend, who gasped in fake indignation.

"Awww, poor Rox. Come here, I'll kiss you!" cooed Aradia.

"Or maybe Dirk will," sneered Vriska, smirking as Dirk flipped her off.

"Up yours Serket," Roxy laughed, " _You're_ just jealous that he liked kissing me more than you!"

"Why bother with Striders if I have Egberts?" She snickered, planting one on a very surprised John.

"Does this mean I get Kanaya?" Rose piped in.

"I Don't Know What Is Happening."

"Me neither, but can I have Dave?" squealed Terezi, pouncing on the younger Strider.

"Karkitty?"

"FUCK NO."

"Come on Karbro, give her a chance."

"FUCK YOU."

"No Karbro, fuck  _you,"_ The juggalo said earnestly, patting him on the back.

"That'th Nepeta'th job," lisped Sollux, giving a toothy grin.

"SHUT. UP."

"I don't ever wanna leave here!" Roxy said suddenly, "The stars are too pretty to leave!" She gazed up at the night sky, trying to forget that this was it. Two more hours and she'd have to go home, take off the cosplay, shed her badge and colorful lanyard. She'd have to go back to the cold house, sterile and white, all except her pink room and the kitchen. The cold and the lonely pink bedroom she resided in, hiding from her mother and the liquor she hated and so dearly loved.

Two more hours, and all this magic would go away. She'd been counting down as Terezi announced the idea of going to the roof, as they tramped up the stairs, and as she perched on a lawn chair, alone, while Jane was schmoozing with Jake, and Dirk...

Dirk...

She'd never seen him again, would she? It was just a con. He'd disappear into wherever the hell he lived, and leave her all alone, and she'd stalk facebook for hours, looking for "Dirk" because her vodka-addled brain couldn't remember his last name, but didn't it start with an S?

"No," she murmured, "Noooooo..."

"What are you groaning about?" he said, chomping on banana-chocolate pocky.

"Your braces are orange," she said, blinking in surprised, "I didn't know you had braces."

"Yeah, I've got braces. They're coming off in a few days," he said, rolling his eyes. "Duh, they're orange. Orange is the best color."

Jake clapped him on the shoulder heartily, chuckling, "You lying bastard! Red is your favorite color, and we both know it."

"Why red?" she asked.

"Dude,  _shut up!"_ Dirk snapped, beginning to turn pink under his sunglasses.

"Cuz of his Bro," Jake said cheekily, before Dirk tackled him.

" _Shut the fuck up!_ That is  _not_ the reason!"

"Wow, Dirk," Roxy giggled, "Bit quick to correct?"

"I'm being tag-teamed," she collapsed onto a lawn chair, covering his face with his hands, "Aren't you supposed to be drunk? Why are you making sense?"

"Buzzies don't last long with me," she shrugged, "Scooch over, I wanna sit with you."

"What? Why?"

"Cuz there's fuckin' stars and you have the most comfortable lap that I'm totally laying claim to, and I'm never gonna see any of you again, and I'm going to have to leave and I hate facebook!" she snapped, tears beginning to well.  _Don't you DARE cry!_

"Aw, Rox," murmured Jane, "It's ok! We're definitely going to see these people again, especially these two dorks!"

"I don't believe you," she sniffed, "It's inevitable and I hate it."

Dirk sighed heavily before wrapping his arms around her. "I promise. You will see us again. Jesus, how did you get so attached in a day?"

"I dunno, I just did!" she replied, "Got a prob with that?"

"A prob?"

" _A prob!"_

"You are so drunk."

"I AM NOT!"

* * *

 _I don't wanna go I don't wanna go I DON'T WANT TO GO!_ Roxy screwed her eyelids shut, curling into Dirk, who had reluctantly let her have his lap. Jake was amused by this to no end, of course.

"Rox, it's time," Jane said softly.

"Nooooo," she whispered. "Whyyy?"

"Because it's 11:45 and they kick us out at midnight. C'mon, up Ro-lal."

"Bye?" she squeaked, waving at her new friends. They all waved back, but...

But...

She glanced at Dirk, who nodded at her. The standard cool-guy gesture. Always stoic, never surprised. A challenge? But of course.

 _I'm not leaving here like this. Fate doesn't...control me. I control me. This night made me so happy, but I refuse to leave like this! I_ will  _see him again! All of them!_

_And I'll make him lose his cool._

She dropped her jacket, and hopped on his lap, watching in delight as his mouth popped open.

"Movie theater. Next weekend. Three-fifteen. Bring Jake." She kissed him before he could protest, and a warm feeling rose in her chest as his cold lips softened to her touch.

"Bye!" She giggled, darting off.

 


	8. Chapter 8

"I can't believe you  _did_ that!" Jane gaped incredulously, pacing in front of the blonde's door. "Are you sure you didn't slip a 'lil something in your faygo?"

"Why does everyone always assume I'm hammered when I do crazy shit?!" Roxy said indignantly, wincing at her loud tone.

"Because of the hangover you're sporting right now."

"Listen, Janey, I drank  _after_ the con. I got real sick too, I think I had too much." She massaged her aching temples.

"You only drink heavily like that when you have a crush," Jane said, eyes crinkling in suspicion, "Rox, do you-"

" _No._ "

"Alright, alright. Have you messaged anybody yet?" Jane asked, blue eyes twinkling.

"You mean, have I talked to Jake?"

" _Roxy!"_

"I"m just tellin' the truth Janey."

"Well...have you?" She stammered out, blushing fiercely. Roxy shook her head ruefully, cracking a grin.

"What about Dirk?"

Roxy's grin vanished, replaced with a wane smile, thin and obviously fake. "No. Should I have?"

"Roxy! Message him!"

"No."

"You like him, don't you?!"

" _Don't say that._ No, I do not. He was very cute, yes. I kissed him cuz I was all hyped up. I meant nothing by it!" She glared at her bestie.

"Uh-huh, and that's why you're being suddenly formal?"

"Aah! You're hopeless!" Roxy burst out, "There is nothing between me and Dirk!"

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

Both girls drained of color, and stared at Roxy's vibrating phone. Pesterchum. It wasn't Jane. That didn't necessarily mean it was Dirk, right? Not like she cared. He was just a hunky dude, like every other hunky dude. She snatched her phone and covered her eyes, holding it towards Jane. "Who is it? Is it Nepeta? I bet it's Nepeta."

"Rox, look for yourself," Jane said, giggling with glee.

TT: Hey.

* * *

"Dirk? Are you listening?" Jake poked the blonde's cheek, snickering when he jumped. "You're really not as calm as you let on, are you?"

"Shut up. I am. Don't get..."

"Get what?"

"Don't get that close to me, ok? It's fucking creepy." He frowned, staring his phone.

Jake held up his hands in defeat. "Ok, ok. Shucks Dirk, why are you so wound up? Just message her already!"

"And what do you mean by that?" he said calmly. "It seems like you think that there's something between us."

"Don't imitate your robot, for the love of God. Us? Dirk,  _us_?! You're calling you and Roxy an us!"

"I didn't mean that the way you think I meant it."

"You're being even more uptight than usual!" chuckled Jake, "Just message the lovely young woman!"

"What about you?" he shot back, "You obviously like Jane Crocker, why haven't you messaged  _her_  yet?!"

"Ooh, touchy."

"I'm not touchy. But you haven't messaged her, so it's bullshit to say I like Roxy, because I don't."

"If you like Jane, I can back off..."

"I don't like either of them!" Dirk flopped back on his bed, aggravated.

"Message her? For me? Please?" Jake said, blinking his big green eyes.

 _Oh...those eyes..._  "Fine. Whatever." He flicked his phone open, ignoring Jake's growing smile.

TT: Hey.

TG: heyyy

Oh good lord. She was one of  _those._ "She doesn't capitalize shit," He complained.

"Oh, who cares?!"

"I do."

TT: Um. What's up?

_I am so boring._

TG: nuthin much rlly. hanging out w/ janey.

"Hey, English. Your girlfriend is with her," he said bitterly. Of all the people to steal Jake's heart, it had to be someone he couldn't hate. Jane was too nice and Roxy was...

Roxy was...something. She was definitely something.

TT: Is she still drooling over English?

Damn you guilt. At least let him be inwardly jealous.

TG: u juelly? U want da british booty all 2 urshelf? ;)

Fuck, this chick was perceptive. Abort!

TT: No.

Yes. Perfect.

TG: uhuh sure whatev

TG: what movei do u want 2 c next weeek?

TG: fuck *movie

TT: I don't fucking know. Were you serious about that?

TG: hells yeah I was. 4srs!

TG: anythin i seal w/ a kiss is a promise. ;)

 _Erk!_ Dirk froze, eyes wide. Of all the things to bring up...it had to be... _That._

TT: Whatever. Anything, I don't care.

TG: ill make u watch a romcom dude

TT: English will love that. Bye.

A beeping went off in the corner, sending him flying to turn it off.  _Shit._

"Dirk, isn't that your heart rate dealie?" Jake raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. So?"

"Doesn't it go off when your heart is elevated?" He pressed.

"Maybe..." Dirk muttered.

"Smooth, Dirk. Smooth."

* * *

TT: Hey, I'm back.

TG: ya hi

TT: So, uh...What's going on?

TG: talkin 2 a freind of mine

TG: he can b kinda liek a tightass

TG: but hes purty col

TG: *cool

TT: Wow, what a coincidence. Me too.

TT: Only my friend is slightly batshit crazy, and kissed me out of the blue.

TT: Twice.

**TT: You're being mean to the lady.**

TT: Oh my fucking god. Not you.

TG: whoa 2 of ya

TG: the posibillitiez r endles ;)

**TT: Hey there blondie.  
**

TT: Oh my god! You are not flirting with her! You are a goddamn robot!

**TT: Your goddamn robot, if I remember correctly.**

**TT: Which I always do.**

TG: robot? Wait wut?

TT: I was thirteen and I made an auto-responder. It has my thirteen year old personality.

TT: Aka, he's a complete and total dickwad.,

TG: wow 13yr old u sounds fun

**TT: I am.**

TT: Shut up.

**TT: So tell me, does it matter to you that I don't have a body? Or can we just roll with this?**

TT: Holy shit, tell me this isn't happening.

TG: tehcincally ur like 3 yrs younger than me rite?

**TT: I'm also a robot. And 'technically' I'm him, if that sways your opinion any.**

TT: You didn't just imply what I think you just implied.

TG: oh snaheup.

TG: *snapeup

TG: nvm

TG: whatev

**TG: Dirk. It seems that you are ignoring your natural feeli-**

Auto-responder has been turned off.

TT: I hate that fucking pair of sunglasses. He's such a condescending asshole.

TG: sounds leik a story i wanna haer

TG: *hear

TT: I was stupid, I was lonely, and I wanted to impress my stupid Bro.

TG: sounds like a one-night stand lol

TG: bro? coolio.

TT: Yeah, not so. He's a bigass movie director, and he jetted off when I was fourteen. He pops in sometimes, but he hasn't for a while.

TT: He doesn't even know Mom and Dad had Dave or Rose.

TT: Or maybe he does, I don't fucking know. He's a weirdo.

TG: I dont wana say im sorry?

TG: but I geuss...i'm sory? Sorta?

TG: even tho thats cliché and fukin stupid 2 say

TT: Wow, five minutes of talking to you, and I've already poured out my whole freaking life story. Lovely.

TT: Also, my robot hit on you, which was fucking creepy as shit.

TG: he's not that bad ;)

TT: He's a robot. My robot.

TG: oh mai

TT: That's not what I

TT: Oh fuck it.

TT: Nevermind.

TG: hahahahahhs

TG: *ha

TT: So, what is it with you and those typos?

TG: I am natchurallly a bad spller.

TG: but drinkin dosent help :(

TT: So stop drinking. You're underage anyway, where do you get a hold of that stuff?

TG: 4 ur inffermachon

TG: its none of ur buziness

TT: Oh please. You're not gonna freak me out or anything

TT: Let me guess. No one knows?

TG: correctamundo

TG: its patethic and I kno that

TG: but if I dont...

TG: bad things hapen

TT: Like what? Major headaches? An irrational fear of bright light and loud noises?

TG: not just thaat smartass

TG: im a diferent roxy :(

TG: and I dont like it

TT: Fine, fine.

TT: What's your story Ro-Lal?

TT: I've already inadvertently told you mine.

TG: hm lets c

TG: I spend all my tine in a brite pink bedrom

TG: *time *room

TG: I got out to get michanecal pencils and booze

TG: I liek cats and bois

TG: cute boyz

TG: but they dont like me back

TG: tah-dah

TT: Huh. Cool.

TG: cool?

TG: whaddya mean cool?

TT: Cats are pretty cool.

TG: and computers

TG: I like computerrs

TT: Really?

TG: hells yeah! Im da best hacker EVA!

TT: Oh?

TG: uhuh

TT: I'm sure you are.

TG: ur underestimating me!

TT: Look at you, spelling things right.

TG: stfu I can spell if I want 2

TG: c?! C?! Im movin around ur files! Rite on ur desktop!

TT: Yup, you are.

TT: Why are you drawing a mustache on my eighth-grade picture?

TG: CUZ.

**TT: Nice.**

TT: What the hell are you doing back?

**TT: You can only turn me off for ten minutes, dumbass. It's your program, you'd think you'd remember this.**

TT: Whatever.

TG: do u blieve mah rad hacker skillz now?

TT: Yes. You are 'da best hacker EVA'

TG: das right, cuz I da king

TG: qeen

TG: *quen

TG: AGH.

**TT: So let me get this straight.**

**TT: You guys both passed like, three tiers of friendship within ten minutes of messaging each other?**

TT: Yeah.

TG: geuss we did

TT: So?

**TT: Oh my god.**

**TT: I'm out.**

TG: cya ;)

TT: Good ridance.

TG: sooooooooooo

TT: So?

TG: now wut?

TT: I don't know.

TG: lets c...

TG: tell me bout u?

TT: Why?

TG: cuz ima gr8 listener and u ceem like the type of guy who doesn't talk about themsleves much

TG: im all earz

TT: Uh...

TT: Ok.

* * *

**TT: Dude. Tell me you're kidding.**

TT: What?

**TT: You are seriously still 100% in love with Jake?**

TT: Fuck you. Yes.

**TT: This girl is perfect!**

TT: Yeah, for a friend.

**TT: You're crazy!**

**TT: If I had a body...damn.**

TT: Dude. No. Stop.

TT: Stop RIGHT there.

**TT: You haven't told her how you feel about Jake yet.**

TT: I just met her. I don't have to tell her everything.

**TT: You didn't even tell Jake the whole story about why you built me. You gonna tell her?**

TT: I don't know. Maybe.

**TT: Because she's a great 'friend'?**

TT: What the hell are you trying to say?

**TT: I'm saying you told me all the same 'friendship' shit about Jake.**


	9. Chapter 9

"You were serious." Dirk said, numbly staring at his ticket. "You're really making us watch a rom-com?"

"Love Actually is not  _just_ a rom-com Dirk!" Exclaimed Jake, "It's beautiful! A masterpiece!"

"You've already seen it?" Jane asked in surprise.

"Er...just a few times?" He ruffled his hair, "It's a good movie though!"

They shuffled into the theater, Jane devouring a bucket of extra-buttery popcorn as Jake rambled on about the movie, trying to catch himself before spoilers.

 _A match made in heaven,_ Roxy thought dreamily, chomping down on a piece of bubblegum. She turned to Dirk and almost swallowed her gum at his expression.  _He looks...not sad, not angry, but..._

"Dirk?"

"What?" he snapped, recoiling at the shift in her own expression, "Sorry. What?"

 _Guys don't like it when you ask..._ "Are you okay?"

He hesitated, staring after their two friends. "Yes?"

 _They hate that question!_ "Are ya sure?"

"I don't know. It's not important. Whatever." He flounced into the theater, leaving Roxy scurrying to keep up.  _Boys..._

* * *

_"Are you m-mad?" She asked timidly, holding the phone close to her ear._

_"Oh my god, you always ask that! Stop fucking asking! I'm fine_ until  _you say that!"_

_"S-sorry..."_

_"Ugh, stop apologizing! I'm your boyfriend, not a big scary monster Rox! Stop tip-toeing around me like I'm gonna bite you!"_

_"Right..."_

_"Look, I don't know if I can take this. You drinking is enough of a goddamn problem, but you sober is worse. I liked you better when you were drunk."_

_"Please don't say that..."_

_"Yeah, yeah, whatever. At least you aren't always asking what I'm thinking or if I'm mad when you drink. Calm your tits, ok?"_

_"I'm s...I, uh, I..."_

_"Holy shit, just talk to me like a person!"_

_"Sorry," she whispered, clutching her phone. A heavy sigh echoed on the line, and her lips quivered. "I love you," she murmured quietly, aching in the silence._

_"I can't do this Rox. I can't. Bye."_

_click._

* * *

"What did you think of the movei,  _movie_?" Roxy asked, wiping away the last of her credits-tears. Damn sappy music. It did a number on her messed-up emotions, especially when she was drunk.

Oops.

"It was ok," Dirk begrudgingly admitted, walking next to a bouncing Jake. "As good as the other thousand times you've seen it?" he asked, nudging him.

"Oh yeah! Brilliant as ever!"

"You silly boy," Jane giggled, smiling briefly.  _D'awwww._

_Crunch._

"Dirk?" Roxy said, eyeing the now crushed Junior Mints box, crumpled in his pale fist.

"What? You don't crush your empty candy boxes? That's fucking weird." He said calmly, despite the light pink flush he had blooming on his slightly freckled cheeks.

"O-oh," she squeaked, "Okay..." She glugged her spiked soda, sighing in relief when the familiar buzzing in her fingertips flowed.

"I think I'm gonna go," he said suddenly, tossing the box in a trashcan, echoing viciously. "You three have fun. Hope you don't mind being the third wheel Rox."

 _Rox?_ "Oh, um, ok. Bye?"

"You're leaving man?" Jake said, not looking as rueful as he should have been, "Alright, if you want to!"

_He doesn't want to! Something is wrong!_

"Bye Dirk!" Jane said cheerfully, "Sorry Roxy made you watch a rom-com," she joked.

"That's not-" she bursts out, words dying when he whipped back around. Behind his shades, she could see the outline of eyes that were dangerously sharp. Eyes that said 'shut up'.

Eyes she was very familiar with.

"Bye everybody," he said stiffly, "Bye Rox," he whispered, a little softer.

* * *

TT: You figured it out.

TG: i sure as hel figgeroud out sumthinang!

TT: Holy shit, how drunk are you?

TG: not fuking impertiaont

TG: esxplian

TT: You think something's wrong.

TT: You're right.

TG: no shiet sherrlokc

TG: wut iz it

TT: You've talked to Auto-Responder enough. You tell me.

TG: thizs deosnt efen maek senzes

TG: how logn haev i knowwn u

TG: not fuking long

TG: y r we spiiling sercets?

TG: u do u truts me when u dotn evem trust Jake fuly?

TT: I don't know.

TG: allrite.

TG: do u trust me?

TT: Unfortunately, yeah.

TG: then let it teh FUKC out

TG: sppil

TG: i know u want 2

TG: u want sum1 to care enuff for u, to spil ur guts bout whateverz bothering ya

TG: no1 has yet?

TG: or u just wanted to milik the attentioon?

TG: fukcing tel. get it ovur with.

TT: You are scarily perceptive when hammered.

TG: stfu im prefrectly nermal

TT: Yeah, sure.

TT: I haven't told because the person who cared enough to ask was who I couldn't tell.

TG: ?

TG: do u like janey?

TT: No, I fucking like Jake.

_Jake._

_Jake._

_Like Jake._

TG: ur gay?

TT: I don't know. All I know is that I'm in love with Jake English.

_In love with Jake English._

TG: ur

TG: ur

TG: ur alonee noaw. u need hlep.

TG: tel me where u r

TT: Why the hell should I?

TG: so i cna helpp u

TG: oke?

TT: ...

TT: Ok.

* * *

"Dirk?" She slurred, stumbling into his apartment, tripping over a broken toaster, obviously broken for robot parts.

"In here," he said dully, voice muffled. Turning the corner revealed him perched on a battered couch, staring blankly into space.

"Oh Dirk..." she whispered, all drunken buzz draining out of her, no hangover necessary. "Oh you poor...come here." She jumped on the couch, wrapping her arms around him. He naturally curved so she could hold him, not saying anything.

Dirk had never had a mother.

He gave a strangled couch, and she shushed him gently, running her fingers through his hair. The corner of his shades dug into her chest, but it was okay. For now, it was okay. She was okay.

He wasn't.

"Let it out," she murmured.

"Why should I?" he muttered, "I don't even known you, and now you're acting like you care about me?"

"I have strong maternal instincts. Shut the fuck up and tell me why you're upset."

"Why should I?!" He exploded, "No one cares, why should you? It's been what, a week? Tell me why you 'care'!"

"Because I..." she paused, "I'm your friend. And I care. Tell me Dirk, please."

"You never say please. Aren't you drunk? Tell me you're drunk. You were drunk earlier."

"I dunno. I am. Doesn't matter."

"It matters."

"You're stalling Dirk."

"So what if I am?"

"You said you were in love with Jake," she said gently, "It hurts you to see Jane and Jake together. And I don't care what your last name is, you are holding back tears."

_We both are._

"Striders don't cry," he whispered, voice cracking. He snatched off his glasses and furiously rubbed his eyes, sniffing. "Yeah, I love him."

"And it hurts?"

"God, it hurts so bad Rox. I have to listen to him ramble on about Jane or girls he thinks I should be with and I c-can't...I can't  _tell_ him how I feel. 'Cause I'd lose him, and I can't let that happen, 'cuz if he left me like Bro did...I don't think I could live anymore. I loved them both and Bro left me to shoot his goddamn movie and even if he  _was_ here I couldn't tell him about Jake 'cuz I don't want him to be disappointed that I'm in love with a guy."

He opened his eyes and Roxy was shocked by his electric orange pupils. "He wouldn't leave you..."

"He would though. They always do! Everyone does!" He clutched her shirt, looking up with his wide eyes, "Don't leave me!" He pleaded, "Please Roxy. Don't leave me."

"I won't."

"Why do things have to change?" He whispered into her shirt, "I don't want them to. It's like...pointless for them to. If things are good they always get bad. Sure, bad always goes good, but then it goes bad again. Why can't we just pause this summer forever? Perpetually the four of us, forever."

"That sounds beautiful."

"My heart is breaking Rox. It's like falling in love with a TV show that ends and then you hear the theme song years later. Seeing an old episode of Doctor Who with David Tennant. Seeing Ash and Misty together. Listening to Ib Forever or Magical Mirror. Watching seniors graduate. It's like watching Fullmetal Alchemist after seeing Conqueror of Shamballa. It feels like I'm getting stabbed in the heart with a katana." He sniffled piteously and Roxy's own heart ached.

"Awfully specific," she half-laughed. "Dirk, things have to change. It's just something that happens."

"But Jake...he's changing without me." He sniffled again, "I know he doesn't love me, but does he have to like someone else?"

"I hate that 'I just want them to be happy' crap. It's bullshit, and I agree with you." she said, "You want them to be happy with  _you_. Duh."

"Yeah!" he agreed, nodding his head vigorously, "But I can't hate Jane or Jake. So I'm just broken hearted, by myself..."

She hugged him closer. "Dirk..."

"Rox?"

"It'll be ok. I'm here for you...If that helps?"

"It does," he said firmly, "do you know what heartbreak feels like?"

She hesitated.

"Sorta."

 


	10. Chapter 10

He'd cried in front of a girl.

Bro was gonna kill him.

How stupid could he be?! It was like he was little and had a nightmare and needed Bro to comfort him. What a baby. He was a man, dammit! How could he even trust her? She might go blabbing to everyone!

His phone rang in the mess of his apartment, and he waded through the kitchen, vaguely remembering Roxy making him hot chocolate.

"Hello?" he asked, snapping his phone open. Ten-thirty in the goddamn morning? Who the hell was up?!

"Hellooooooo sleepyhead!" I thought you'd never wake up!" Roxy chirped, obviously tipsy.

"It's too earlyyy," he whined, "I have a broken heart. Go away. Why are you drunk already?"

"Cuz. We're marathoning My Little Pony today. Drink every time Rainbow Dash is an asshole?"

"Fuck you, Dash is the best."

"Uh-huh, sure. Come over? Pleeeaassseee? We can make sundaes! Ooh, and cupcakes. Let's make cupcakes!" She said excitedly, "Pink and orange ones!"

He couldn't help chuckling. "What am I, your new gay best friend?"

"Yup!"

"I'm not gay, fyi. Just bi, I think. Jakesexual?" How was he so casual about jake? Wasn't he bawling the other night? What the hell was up? "I don't have my shades on."

"Don't need 'em! I've seen your eyes, pretty boy. Stop being so conceited, share them to the world and get your ass over here!" She hung up giggling, and Dirk shook his head, a small smile forming. How did he become friends with such a crazy-ass girl?

She better make some damn good cupcakes.

* * *

"Why do you have so much Avril Lavigne?" He asked incredulously, examining her CD rack. "The Slumber party Girls, P!nk, Fifth Harmony, do you have any  _non_ -girly music?" He shuffled through the CD's again, hoping desperately for Nirvana or Train. No luck.

"Nope!" she called from the kitchen, clattering pots. Chickie was invested in her cupcakes shit.

"Is this old school Hannah Montana?" He asked, eyeing the pink CD cover.

"Ooh! We're listening to  _that_!" Roxy exclaimed, darting out of the kitchen and snatching the CD.

"Oh sweet jesus, tell me you're kidding," He groaned, facepalming.

"Don't pretend you didn't like her back in the day, Mr. Strider!"

"Back in the day is very different than  _now_ ," he complained, "Is your mom gonna care?"

Roxy snorted, nearly dropping the bag of flour she was carrying. "My mom? Care? Ahahahaha, no. She's not even home now. Like usual. I don't know what the hell she's doing..."

"That sounds lonel-"

"Get your ass in here and lift this flour dude! It's soooooo heavy!" She pouted, thumping it on the floor.

"Okay, okay. Calm your tits." he muttered, strolling into the kitchen. "Holy fifties. Are those pastels? My god."

Roxy shrugged. "Jane helped my mom design it. Janey loooves her pastels."

"Uh-huh, and the bright pink oven mitts were whose idea?" Dirk dangled them above her head.

"...That's different."

"Suuure."

She quickly began mixing the ingredients, reading from her laptop screen. She was no baking heiress, but she did crack her eggs efficiently. She must have done quite a bit of baking. The bowl was shoved at Dirk, as well as the pink whisk.  _Could she be_ any  _more girly?_

"Mix. Please." Roxy marched to the powder blue and lilac cupboards, pulling out food coloring and cupcake cups.

Orange and red.

The icing was made orange also, while she dyed the batter a sultry flamingo pink.  _Ok, maybe Hannah Montana isn't so bad,_ Dirk thought, swishing his hips to the beat.

Jake's face swam to his mind. With a start, he remembered the night before. Had he really not thought of him for an hour? For years his every waking moment was spent thinking about him. This kitchen, this girl, had made him  _forget..._

The thought excited and terrified him. His love for Jake defined him. Without that, who was he? Just a random dude that built robots? he glanced at Roxy, holding back a laugh when he saw her dancing. The dance really wasn't all that bad. It was actually really good, but her stern expression killed it.

"What are you doing?" He queried, as she swung her stiff hair. When did she find time to do hairspray and makeup so early?

"I tried out for cheerleading once." She said quietly, looking down. "This is the dance they taught us. It was freshman year, but even as a junior, I remember it perfectly."

"Did you get it?"

Roxy turned away, holding an orange wrapper in her now shaking hand. "Nah, I didn't."

 _Oh..._ She was obviously still incredibly sensitive about it.  _To remember a dance perfectly two years later..? She must have practiced it tons. What the hell, I thought she was supposed to be this drunk out-of-it space cadet. Now she's focused too?_

"Your house is so clean," he tried, mentally slapping himself.  _"Your house is so clean"?! Idiot!_ "Your mom must be proud of her hard work.

"Actaully,  _actually,_ I do it." She corrected, pouring the batter into cups. "My mom is either out writing or in her room writing."

"Do you write?" He asked curiously.  _It has to run in the family._

"A little," she admitted, sliding the pan of cupcakes into the oven, "But it's more like...abstract poetry, y'know? Not wizardy adventures. Well, I write a little of that too, but then I tried to write when I was drunk and it all went to shit."

He nodded, absent mindedly rifling through her cabinets for sprinkles. Roxy really wasn't all that bad, once you got o know her, and she wasn't piss-drunk like she seemed. She was pretty cool, and Striders did  _not_ use that word lightly.

Besides, she got extra points for not mentioning the day before. Crying in front of a girl, how stupid could he get?! And over a 'broken heart'! He scoffed to himself.  _Just 'cuz Jake is nice and handsome and has those damn green eyes, and is kawaii as fuck doesn't mean I have to waste tears on him, right? Jake could be just a buddy!_

 _Yeah, that doesn't change the fact that if the situation was flipped, and Roxy had rejected you, he would be there for you,_ a little voice reminded him.

 _Yeah right. I wouldn't let_ Roxy  _tear me up like that! I don't think of her like that anyway. We're buddies too._ He pulled out the green and blue sprinkles, wincing at the color scheme. The whole universe was rubbing it in his face.

_Remember when Jake listened to you complain and cry about Bro for hours? Remember that?_

_Shut up._

_And when he spent six solid months ebay-ing the complete Rainbow Dash Collection for your birthday?_

_Shut up!_

_Or at the first party of eighth grade, you guys were in the spin the bottle game? His lips were so warm...and yours so eager..._

_SHUT UP!_

_And you've been in love with him ever since..._

"Shut up!" he roared, slamming his hands on the counter. The house trembled and he turned around to see a shell-shocked Roxy. Her eyes were wide with fear, and her small mouth quivered.

She was  _scared._

"Shit, Rox, it's not you," he took a few steps toward her, but she skittered back. "I'm sorry. I'm angry at myself, not at you."

"You're not...mad at me?" She whispered faintly. It surprised him to see her like this, terrified and vulnerable. Were people normally mad at her?

"Of course not," He hugged her tightly. "Don't be a dumbass. I'm so proud of you. How could I possibly be mad at you?"

Roxy shrugged, but didn't shy away from the hug. "I dunno. People are. Boys. They're either mad or frustrated or don't like me in general...I'm used to it."

Dirk rubbed her arms, marveling at how cold she was. This damn house was like a crypt! "What do you mean?"

"Well, um, Zack... he said that I was too hezi,  _hesitant,_ around him. An' Tavros cheated on me...Rufioh..." she laughed wryly, "Rufioh was my next door neighbor. He was my first kiss actually...but only 'cuz I kissed him. And then he told me he liked Horuss...that's when I started drinkin' full on."

 _Oh god..._ "Oh."

She nodded weakly. "Janey didn't like it. No one did." Roxy nestled her head in the crook of Dirk's neck, and her warm breath was too calm to follow a story like that.

"That's awful," Dirk murmured, "Rox, I'm so sor-"

"Ah shit!" She yelped, "The cupcakes are  _burning_!" She frantically pulled them out, flinching when she forgot to put oven mitts on before trying to touch the pan. The pink beauties were unharmed, and Roxy smiled proudly as she stuck her hands under the faucet.

"Perfect."

* * *

"You are not serious." Dirk deadpanned as Roxy patted the white couch. "You're not gonna make me watch  _this_ , are you?!"

"C'mon Dirky! Baka and Test is amazing!" She bit into an orange-frosted cupcake, "Sit with meeee!"

"Who said you could call me Dirky?" he grumbled, reluctantly sprawling out next to her.  _Damn, this is a nice couch._

"AR did!" Roxy said giddily, snuggling closer to him as the beginning theme started. She had it memorized well enough to sing along...in japanese.

"You're been talking to AR?!" Rox, are you  _kidding_!? What has the bastard told you?!" Dirk demanded.

She shrugged. "Nuthin' much. Shtuff 'bout Jakey. And he's an awpfully good listener!"

"Are you drunk? Tell me you didn't spike the cupcakes."

"Only one, I prromise! And it was only  _thiiiiiiiiise muche!_ Much." She held her fingers apart to show how tiny.

"Uhuh, sure. Whatever."

Flopping over so she was in his lap, Roxy stared up at him, pink eyes wide. She patted his face and Dirk wondered again why he didn't just destroy her liquor supply while she wasn't looking. Although the face pats were kind of cute. Platonically.

"Dirky, do you shave?"

"Yeah."

She giggled to herself. "Smexy," she whispered, breaking into laughter again. Within minutes, she was asleep on his lap, unsurprisngly.

When was the last time she'd gone to bed without being in a drunken stupor? The last time she'd slept without nightmares? Did she even eat normally? Probably not, not without a mom to cook shit. She had to become an adult alone, way earlier than she should have had to. And had been through so much bullshit along the way.

So, being rejected over and over wasn't worse than having a terminal disease or anything, but god, Dirk knew it hurt. A lot. And with only Jane to pick her up when she got knocked down...

She must have been so alone. It was admirable really. With her inner strength, Roxy could be a president. Or a prosecutor. Something important and smart. But her heart hurt, so she drank her intelligence away, because there was nothing else to help her.

Dirk had to fix that.

* * *

TT: Alright. What did you tell her?

**TT: Nothing important. Lots of Jake shit. Bro. Ranted about the RainbowShy ship.**

**TT: You forget talking to me is talking to another you, only younger. She's very sympathetic for a drunken teen.**

TT: What did she tell you?

**TT: I'm not telling.**

TT: Oh my god. Really? You wanna do this?

**TT: I care about her more than you do. Have your Strider shades made you blind? You can't see anything but Jake!**

TT: What the hell do you mean?

**TT: I mean, until you can see what's right in front of you, her secrets are staying secrets.**

**TT: Goodbye Dirk.**


	11. Chapter 11

When Roxy awoke, she was alone. However, there was a vaguely itching thought that she hadn't been when she fell asleep. A soft gray blanket was draped over her, and there was a pounding in her head, courtesy of a hangover. Stupid spiked cupcake. She peered back at the kitchen, pleased when five of the pink and orange cupcakes were deemed missing.  _Dirk must have taken some home...good. Maybe that means he's feeling better about...about..._

The name still sent daggers through her, so she ignored the thought, snagging her phone from under a couch cushion. She minimized her chats with Auto-Responder, and tapped a new message from Jane.

GG: Roxy. Ohhh Ro-lal.

GG: I messed up.

_Huh?_

TG: wait wut happened?

GG: It was bad Roxy. Really bad.

GG: I am so stupid! I messed up SO bad!

TG: janey

TG: calm urself

TG: what happened?

GG: English!

TG: wut am i speaking german?

GG: No! Jake English!

TG: ohhh

TG: explian

GG: He asked if I liked him and I said no!

TG: uh oh

TG: janey come ovr

TG: liek now. explain here, k?

GG: Okay. :(

* * *

Roxy pounced for the door, catching her sobbing bestie in her arms. "Whoaa! Janey!"

"I said  _no!_  I can't believe I said  _no!_ " She wailed, tears streaming. "Rox, I'm so  _stupid!"_

"You're not stupid Janey," Roxy soothed, "Tell me the whole story?" She handed the anguished brunette a cupcake, knowing it was her second favorite kind of sweet treat. They sat down on the couch, still indented from Roxy's sleep, and the blonde comforted her friend.

"So," sniffed Jane, "He asked me if I liked him. 'Cuz he wanted to make sure that there were no awkward feelings between us! And I freaked out and said no! He was  _relieved,_ Rox! Said, 'Oh! Good!' Not only does he not like me, he doesn't know I feel!" She collapsed, sobbing into Roxy's chest, as she stroked Jane's hair comfortingly.

"And the stupid internet douchebag called me fat again," Jane muttered, muffled into Roxy.

She couldn't help giggling. "Janey, you're not fat. But the Jake thing sounds like a problem."

"You haven't even heard the worst part!" Jane burst out, sitting up suddenly, "He's gonna go after  _Dirk!_ "

Roxy wasn't sure if she'd just stopped breathing or if her world really had shattered, like how it felt.  _Go after Dirk...Dirk...Dirk..._

"He likes Dirk?" She croaked out, feeling her eyes well.

"I don't even know," Jane whimpered, "But we both know..Dirk likes him..." Roxy nodded wordlessly, as her tears spilled, mingling with Jane's. Were they both going to have to keep secrets? Did Roxy have to keep yet another confession to herself until she couldn't handle it? Until she exploded? Until she rattled out her feelings and they awkwardly stared and said they didn't feel the same? And now Janey had to go through that too!? The world was just too cruel...

"I need a drink," Roxy whispered bitterly.

"C-can I have one too?" Jane sniffed. Roxy nodded bluntly, not surprised. Heartbreak did things to people...

"It's gonna take us a while to get over this, huh?" She murmured, watching her friend curl into a pillow and cry.

Alcohol couldn't fix this, could it?

* * *

**TT: Hey Roxy. It is I.**

TG: hye waz upp?

**TT: Whoah. Slumber party or something? Why are you so hammered?**

TG: dnot go knnokcing dirnking oke?

TG: hwo colud u efevvn tell?

**TT: Just a hunch.**

TG: onlye itz not hleping :(

**TT: Helping what?**

TG: u wlouldnt knoww would u

TG: hartbraek

TG: it fukin sux and noaw jaeny has 2 feal it!

**TT: And drinking your brains out helps?**

TG: oh plz wut brainz?! im an idiot!

TG: jsut ask DIRK

TG: im defintely an idiot compared to MR LORD ENLGLISH

TG: :(((

**TT: What do you even mean? What does Dirk have to do with this?**

TG: or ask lord enlgihs yourself, cuz im just patetic lil ro-lal whoo doesnt kno ANTYHTIN about lyfe! who deosn't DESHERVE lyfe!

TG: Drik and jake r gonna be SOOOO hapy together :(((((

**TT: Roxy, what are you talking about?**

**TT: Is Dirk going to make a move on Jake?**

**TT: Are you admitting you like him?**

**TT: Roxy, don't leave. It may not seem like it, but robots have feelings too.**

**TT: Mine are kind of hurting.**

**TT: Shit, how much have you been drinking?**

**TT: Roxy, don't go.**

**TT: Roxy...**

* * *

_She actually looks happy..._ Dirk pulled a gray blanket over the peacefully sleeping girl and smiled to himself before leaving, glad she couldn't see. He'd broken enough of Bro's unspoken rules already. It was kind of funny, how after only two months and billions of pesterchum messages, he'd grown to care about Roxy. And yet...he didn't know that much about her. Not really. He didn't know all the detailed stories of her exes, how she met Jane, childhood memories of Christmas...All the things friends were supposed to know. Thinking about it, she really didn't talk about herself much. It was al. about him, if he was okay, AR' s latest antics, how  _he_ was feeling.

_Maybe it's less of her not wanting to talk about herself and more like...she's never had anyone that wanted to listen._

Dirk stretched out on his bed, opening his laptop. Some messages from his internet friends, a 'what cake are you?' quiz from Jane, and a message from..?

_yo_

_little man_

_im coming back_

_not sure when but i will_

_tell rose and dave_

_Bro?!_ Dirk's mouth fell open so fast his shades slid down his nose.  _He's coming back?!_ A giddy grin brightened his face and he dashed off the message to Rose and Dave, thrilled. They weren't quite as happy as he was, but still, their über busy big brother was coming back!

Did this mean Dave and Rose would move in with them, instead of the aunt they once thought was their mom? Would he have to share a room with Dave? Would they have smuppet battles, like real siblings?!

It took him a seconds of wonder why he was imagine Roxy with the rest of his family. Maybe they were friendlier than he thought, at least in his imagination.

Bro was coming back. This day couldn't get any better!

GT: Hey dirk!

GT: I, um, have something to talk about

 _Eh?_ Dirk had practically forgotten about Jake, and a small flash of pain was still present in his heart.

TT: Yeah?

He crossed his fingers tightly.  _Here's hoping AR won't intervene._

GT: I, um, have got the sense that you, er...

GT: Goodness this is embarrassing!

GT: That maybe your feelings toward me were...well..

_Wait._

TT: What are you trying to imply, English?

GT: Ive cobbled together the feeling that maybe you are not as entirely platonic as you seem..?

_Shit._

_Shit, shit shit._

TT: So what?

GT: Well ive been doing some pondering

GT: And ive also got that feeling from janey

GT: But she says were absolutely platonic, isnt that swell?

TT: Um, yeah, sure dude .

_Platonic, yeah right. Not Jane._

GT: So i guess i am entertaining the possibility that maybe we could be...

GT: Boyfriends?


	12. Chapter 12

_Is this really happening?!_ Dirk thought frantically. His fingers were trembling too hard to type a reply, and he was certainly blushing like an anime character.

But...something was off. Not right. It was a faint, niggling feeling at the back of his heart that something wasn't...right.

GT: I mean if thats the correct term

GT: And if you would want to

GT: I did get the sense that you liked me

GT: But i got that with janey and i was wrong with her!

GT: This is going to be really awkward.

Was it because they weren't in person? nah, couldn't be that. He'd been asked out plenty of times over the internet and it didn't bother him. Was it the awkwardness? Maybe a little, but this was Jake English! Awkwardness was the job description.

GT: Youre not mad are you? Sorry it really did seem like you liked me.

Maybe it was...?

GT: You were so cheerful when we got our tattoos

Did he really not..?

GT: And ive been there for you, youve been there for me

GT: Like friendship with kissing!

GT: Er...if you want, that is.

_If you want._

Jake was a people pleaser. Dirk knew that. But was he really offering to be 'boyfriends' just to make him happy? He'd said a lot of shit, but not once,  _not once,_ did he say 'I like you'. And Dirk knew better.  _Like friendship with kissing, my ass._

TT: Jake, do you like me?

GT: Well weve been chums for quite a while! We would work well, and stuff.

TT: Do you like me?

TT: Do you stay up late at night and wish I was beside you? Do you cry at love songs? Do you imagine the way our first date would play out? Do you wish you could tell me how you felt, if only I felt the same?

TT: Or did Jane, Roxy, and that goddamned Auto Responder tell you to consider dating me?

GT: I

GT: Gee i

GT: Dirk im so sorry

TT: You're sorry I'm right? You feel as platonic as fucking possible dude.

TT: We were thirteen Jake. You're not the same person I fell in love with, as much as it sucks to say.

GT: Wow i feel foolish

GT: Why didnt you say this earlier?

TT: I guess I didn't realize it until now.

GT: Why now?

TT: Because...

_Because..._

_Because...?_

TT: Because the voice in my head...helping me sort out my feelings and what to say...was Roxy.

_He didn't say i like you! C'mon Dirky, don't be a dumbass. Don't let yourself for one second think janey doesn't like him. It's so obv! She prolly just flipped out when he said sumthing like that. I know it hurts, but you know what's right, yeah?_

TT: I mean, yeah, you're my bro. And I love you. I've been in love with you for a long time.

_"Don't leave me Roxy!"_

_"I won't."_

TT: But you don't love me like that. You are trying to make me happy, because that's what you, and Jane, and especially Roxy, do.

_"Let's make cupcakes!"_

TT: And...I think I'm okay with that.

_"She's either in her room writing, or out writing."_

TT: Because Roxy...she's helped me. My life doesn't revolve around my feelings for you. Which is fucking terrifying because that's who I've been for so long.

TT: But...I'm not gonna fuck up your life. Don't be a dumbass Jake. There's a 99.9% chance that Jane likes you. She probably didn't wanna 'ruin your friendship' if you didn't feel the same.

TT: Just like me.

GT: Whats the other .1%?

TT: The fact that you didn't realize she was lying. Go, dude. Confess like the kawaii fuck you are.

GT: Thanks dirk! Im truly sorry.

TT: It's...okay.

GT: Before i go, i just want to say

GT: if you dont love me, it sounds like you most definitely love roxy.

* * *

Roxy rocked back and forth, arms wrapped around her knees. She briefly stopped to chug some Jack Daniels, not bothering to wash it down with anything. Janey had gone home, saying she'd rather drown her sadness with old John Wayne movies.

Roxy knew how she'd drown hers. Like she had with Zack, who said she was too timid, with Tavros, who said she was too clingy, with Rufioh when she wasn't Horuss. When she didn't make cheerleading because she wasn't good enough. When her mother got so drunk she cried. Just once.

She drained the rest of the bottle and everything went fuzzy.

* * *

_I'm nine. Mommy is actually talking to me, but her words sound weird. She's messing things up, but she's talking to me! Yay!_

_"Roxxxyyy-hic!- C'mere sweetie," Mommy pats her lap. "Momy wnats to smell- tell -you a smor, story!"_

_"Okay!" I hop onto her lap, breathing deep. She smells like lavender and something bitter that I don't like._

_"So thsis stroy, story, it has pictures! Weeel, jsut, just one picture, but itz a purty one!"_

_She pulls out a worn picture, folded a billion times. It's of four kids, a stoic blonde, a cheerful green-eyed geek, a dorky brunette, and a calm blonde girl that looks just like mommy! The dork has his arm around her, an' it's really cute._

_"You see them sweetie? Those two kids? The one wearing glasses, with the blue eyes, and the blonde girl? They must love each other a lot, huh? People said they were supposed to be together forever. Don't you think they look happy?"_

_"Yes mommy, they look really happy together."_

_She shakes her head slowly. "Oh no, no, noooo Roxy. They look happy, but he left!" She starts to cry and I frantically try to pat her tears away. "He left that little blonde girl and ran off with another girl and hunted treasure. They watched really bad movies and everyrone forgot he and_ this  _girl could have ever been together, even though they were supposed to be."_

_"That's a sad story Mommy..."_

_"Mmmmhm. Hey Rooxy? Want somea this?" She sloshes around a bottle and I don't want to drink any of it, but mommy is finally talking to me and I don't want to disappoint her. I take a tiny sip and recoil while she giggles maniacally. She gently pushes me off her lap and saunters off._

_"Don't trust love, Roxy. An' if you do, have suma this. 'Cuz alcohol makes you forget..."_

* * *

_I'm fourteen and crying because I've just checked the cheerleading forms on the door. I'm not it, not in, not in...I wasn't good enough, even thought I practiced, didn't I? Did the dance until I fell asleep to the pulsing beat? Stretched as much as possible? But still, those stupid pom-pom whores rejected me. Denied me. Looked down on me because I was different._

_I give a quick look towards my trusty martini stash. I've been drinking it more and more, ever since that night when I first got blackout drunk. Being rejected for cheerleading is definitely something I'd like to forget._

_I swig the glass, not bothering to sip it daintily. Screw that. I was worn out of girlish impulses, of spandex, and stupid pink basketball shorts. Fuck it all, and fuck those cheerleading bitches._

* * *

_"Hey, um, c-can I talk to you?" I stammer, standing behind Him._

_"Um, no." He responds, staring at me with widened 'who the fuck are you' eyes. I am about to leave, but I gather what little courage my twelve year old self has._

_"Can I talk to you after school?" To confess? To finally say I like you?_

_"Uh, no. I'm busy."_

_Don't fail me now courage We'll fall apart and lose the connection we have if I don't tell him how I feel! We don't sity by each other anymore, so if I don't do it now, we'll never really talk again._

_"When can we talk?" I demand firmly. I will not be swayed!_

_"Never," He mutters, rolling his eyes in disgust._

* * *

_'If you keep acting like this, we can't be friends anymore.'_

_I type furiously. 'I thought you said you liked me!'_

_'Look, I just said that so I wouldn't crush your self-esteem, okay? I saw my friend reject you. Leave me alone, I like someone else.'_

* * *

_"He thinks you're ugly."_

* * *

_"You're like a sister to me."_

* * *

_"I don't know you well enough yet."_

_"You've known me since second grade!"_

_"So?"_

* * *

_"Do you wanna go out with me?"_

_"UHHHHHHHHHHHH..."_

* * *

_"I love you!"_

_"I don't know how to respond to that."_

* * *

_"Sit down next to me!"_

_"No way."_

_"You're gonna get a bus citation if you keep standing up!"_

_"I'd rather get a citation than sit with her."_

* * *

_"Do you like me?"_

_"Ew, no."_

* * *

_I'm thirteen, and crying because Tavros, my very first boyfriend, the recipient of the initials doodled in my notebook, the person I hold hands with at lunch, has cheated on me._

_He kissed someone else. He never even kissed me once. Not once. And now he never will, because he told me he doesn't want me. Stuttered it out, but yeah, he said it._

_I remember what my mom said a few years ago, and heart pounding, pour myself a glass of wine from the gazillion bottles my mom has around. It tastes dry and bitter, and makes my head foggy, but my stomach burns with fire and makes me tears feel a little better._

* * *

_I pour myself two glasses of wine when Zack says I'm clingy and timid._

_He didn't kiss me either._

* * *

_I'm fourteen, and determined to kiss Rufioh. He_ will  _be my first kiss. I just know it._

_"Hey doll, isn't it past your bedtime?" He teases, gesturing up to the bright full moon. The crickets are chirping, it's a beautiful night, the whole universe is sending me a sign! I pucker my lips and lean in, eyes lightly closed._

_"Uhhh Rox? What are you doing?"_

_"Trying to kiss you, dummy!" I say flirtatiously, flicking my eyes open. He jumps off the fence and his eyes are wide and terrified. "Um, Rufioh?"_

_"L-look doll, I'm sorry, but-"_

_"No! No don't say that," I hiss, jumping off the fence too. "Do_ not  _say it. Kiss me."_

_"Roxy, I don't-"_

_"Kiss me, dammit!" I wail, "Please, please! I like you! I really like you Rufioh, so please, please kiss me! You can reject me after, but please be my first kiss. I'll stop bothering you or whatever, just please!" My voice breaks at the end, and I'm sure I'm one 'I'm sorry doll" away from sobbing._

_He hesitates and shrugs. "Roxy, I like Horuss. We're dating, actually! I'm really sor-"_

_"No." My voice is ice and my eyes are full of pink rage and fire. "Do NOT say 'i'm sorry'. You're not sorry. No one is, and no one will ever be. Kiss me, you fucktard, and I'll leave you alone. Don't worry about my feelings or anything! Oh wait, did you really have to be reminded of that? You don't care anyway!" I stalk towards him and grab him by the shirt, pulling him down to me. He_ will  _be my first._

_Oh god, but it's bad. Our kiss is bad. His lips are hard and unfeeling, he's struggling to get away and my eyes are blurring with tears. The night's not beautiful anymore. It's ugly and cold and broken._

_Just like my heart._

_He skitters away, and I somehow make my way to the door. My mom is nowhere to be found, surprise, surprise, so I scream in a pillow and cry like a baby. I go to pour myself a martini, but frustration overtakes me and I whip the crystal glass against the wall. I need the strong stuff._

_Roxy had read, and her mother written, enough books to know the alcohol makes you forget._


	13. Chapter 13

He rejected Jake English.

He, Dirk Strider, had rejected Jake English.

Wow.

And he felt good. Happy, even. But a little lonely. What was missing? Oh yeah! Roxy! He should tell her what happened!

Wait, why did he want to? Ah well, it didn't matter, did it? He pulled up pesterchum, taken aback at a message from Jane. It was almost midnight, what was the responsible girl doing up?

GG: Dirk Strider!

TT: Jane Crocker?

GG: Did you have Jake message me?!

Geez, he was fast. They were gonna be cute together, he could see it now.

TT: You know he only came to me because  _somebody_ freaked out and said they were platonic, right?

TT: He doesn't like me like that.

GG: So all those lovely things he's saying?

TT: One hundred percent English.

GG: Oh my goodness I think I might faint!

GG: I wish Roxy was online!

Wait. What? Roxy was  _always_ online this time of night, and had been for two months straight.

TT: Why isn't she?

TT: And why are you, by the way?

GG: Um...

GG: She may have given me a martini. I was sad, and she went to make herself one too because

GG: Um. And it kept me up to watch my John Wayne movies.

GG: So, yes. That happened.

TT: You were sad about Jake, you went to her house, you guys drank together?

TT: Didn't see that coming. I didn't think she drank a lot anymore.

GG: That's because you disapprove!

GG: Oops.

TT: What? She's cutting back on drinking because of me?

GG: Well...she  _was_...

TT: What do you mean?

GG: She was drinking really heavily when I left. She had almost reached The Point, but I...don't really blame her.

GG: She was talking to Auto-Responder.

GG: Gosh, I don't know how she stands that thing!

TT: The Point? Why don't you blame her?

GG: The night she started drinking a lot...she was very angry. But also the saddest ever! She was scary and bitter and different, and when she drinks a lot she's like that again. It's like she gets so drunk that she's not drunk anymore, but extremely...odd.

GG: She doesn't like it.

_'I'm like a different Roxy!'_

TT: So you told Jake you didn't like him. But isn't everything good now?

GG: It absolutely is! But I don't thin she's gotten my messages. She's not answering her phone and I can't drive to see her. My dad's got the car.

TT: You still haven't said why she suddenly got so sad.

GG: Well, I...She wouldn't...You were going to...Um.

**TT: She likes you, you fucking dumbass!**

GG: AR!

TT: Dude, what are you talking about?

TT: And why the intervention?

**TT: She is head over goddamned heels in love with you and you can't see it. You came to her about Jake when your heart was fucking broken! Jane told her what happened with Jake, and WHO is he going to go for after Jane?**

**TT: Hint: It's you!**

GG: So...she got sad. Really sad. I didn't think she would get like that.

**TT: Hell, I didn't know she loved you that much. But she does. When I talked to her last, she was majorly plastered, because she wanted to forget she loved you.**

**TT: You know what she said? 'It's not helping'. You are the one fucking person who she can't drink away.**

**TT: And you don't even know you love her.**

GG: Really AR, that's a bit harsh.

**TT: No it's not.**

GG: Yes it is.

**TT: No it's not.**

GG: Yes, it is!

GG: Dirk, please don't feel really bad. I know Roxy and I care about her more than anything else in the world. When the car comes back, I'll pick her up. She'll be okay. I'll explain that she doesn't have to worry about you not...

GG: Oh, but...I guess you know how she feels now. She's not going to like that. AR, why did you tell? She'll never talk to him again if he  _knows_!

**TT: Jane, he's gone.**

GG: What? Dirk?

GG: Dirk!

**TT: Godspeed, dumbass.**

* * *

_I didn't know._ The cars turned into blurs as he sped by them, barely staying in the speed limit.  _I couldn't have possibly realized._ A passenger flipped him off and a biker yelled 'fuck you', but he kept going.  _You've been alone all this time Roxy, and I didn't know. You don't talk about yourself because you think no one loves you. But...that's changed. You didn't realize, and I sure as hell didn't. In just two months...How many songs did it take? How many grins at pink cupcakes? How long did time pass before I realized I love you? I was too busy admiring your strength and bravery to remember how I admired your lips when you kissed me. Only twice. I want to change that so bad, you have no idea._ Dirk banged the wheel, staring at the dashboard clock.  _Am I too late? Have you eaten anything but your words? Are you already to your bitter breaking point? Have I lost you forever?_

He raced out of his car and darted to the door, unlocked of course. The house was absolutely spotless, but even colder than before. The gray blanket he'd tucked her in with was crumpled, with a slash or two in it. Glass? A broken wine glass confirmed his suspicions. Where was she?

"Roxy?" He whispered, afraid of disturbing the still air. He ventured into another room, and a small pale lump was on the rough couch. Roxy, all curled up, asleep. Streaks of dried tears were on her ghostly cheeks and several empty bottle laid around her. It was the one room that wasn't clean. A black cat he'd never seen before twined around his ankles, mewling, before hopping on the couch next to Roxy.

 _This warm feeling in my chest...the fluttering in my stomach...Is this love? I've never felt this with Jake or anyone._ He ran his fingers through his hair as the kitten started.  _Is this the 'true love' bullshit everyone longs for?_

He brushed her now soft hair away from her left cheek and his fingertips lingered. She was so soft and fragile. How had he not noticed before?

"Roxy," he murmured. Her eyes flickered open, full of pain and warmth for only a second. Then they faded.

"Why are you here?" She said coldly, "Come to share the good news? The DirkJake ship has sailed? Good for you, I'll send cupcakes to the weeeddiiiiing." She rolled over, leaving Dirk stunned. This was the Other Roxy. The hurt one. Well, it made sense. A person could only be everyone else's rock for only so long.

She sat up, holding absolutely still. The only emotion she showed was her flickering eyes, hurt, angry, anguish, fury, nothing. Could he still love her when she wasn't happy?

 _Yes._ He thought, and the sudden answer surprised him.

"Roxy, you didn't get Jane's messages," he said softly, "Jake came to me, but I set him straight. He confessed to Jane. I didn't want him like that, not in that way. Or...not anymore."

"Good. That means Jane doesn't have to feel  _this._ " She eyed him and scooted to the other side of the couch, petting the kitten.

"Roxy, I realized I don't love him."

Nothing.

"I was wrong this whole time about him. I'll always love him, but as a friend."

She was still silent.

"I love someone else. I have this whole time, but I never realized."

"What, did you memorize the script of Love Actually in your spare time?" She snapped, but her lip was quivering.

He took off his shades, throwing caution to the wind when she gazed into his electric orange eyes. He didn't need Bro's rules right now.

"Roxy, I love you."

* * *

It was like a door was wrenched open in her heart.  _Too much! Too much hate, too much hurt, too much love._ "You're lying," she protested weakly, as he sat on the couch. She scooted farther away, as far as possible.

"I wouldn't lie to you Roxy. Never. I love you."

 _No. No, you don't me_ _an it. No one does._ "No you don't."

"You love Jake! You're going to go right back to secretly pining for him when he's with Jane and I'm gonna cry because I'm alone."

"Roxy, I turned Jake down. I was thinking of you the whole time. You are the voice in my head, being crazy and fun, helping me out.

 _And you're my calm and reason,_ she thought longingly. "N-no. You don't need me. No one does. Well, maybe Jane does. But you don't."

"Kiss me Roxy."

 _Those eyes...is he serious?_ "What?!"

He shifted toward her, kneeling on the couch. "Kiss me Roxy. I love you."

 _Oh my god. Is this happening?! Wait, would he make this up? Ahhh, he's getting closer!_ She snagged a pillow in front of her chest, trying to pause him so she could make sense of the situation. Her bitterness was fading away fast. "What are you-!? Don't...! You don't love me!"  _Why am I stammering?! I feel like I'm on fire, but I haven't drunk anything since last night! What time is it anyway? What am I thinking, that doesn't matter!_

Dirk gently caught her flailing wrists. "Shhh, it's okay. Calm down Roxy."

"B-but! You don't love me! How can I be calm when you don't love me?!

He stared her in the eyes, and she was captivated. "I do love you Roxy, and I'll prove it by kissing you." He said, and there was no way she could argue.

Their lips touched for the third time, and Roxy felt herself relaxing, leaning into his warm embrace.  _He loves me? For real?_

"I love you too," she murmured into his chest, and they held each other until the sun rose high.


End file.
